#Child Myths
As adults our approach to #children and #child #behaviour is largely learned from our own childhoods, although many of us do take on outside advice and copy approaches we see. However, many adults share certain myths about children which are untrue. Over the next few weeks I will challenge some of these:
First and foremost is the myth of 'keeping things from children". Children are often protected from adult upset and conflict by well-meaning adults who protect them being upset by trying to hide their own feelings. This is largely impossible! Children I have counselled and taught over the last 18 years usually know much more about their parents problems than their parents ever know. They are uniquely attuned to parent feelings and feel empathetically the upset.
The problem is by trying to hide our feelings from children we leave them with only a partial understanding, or none at all. They are left confused and isolated, to deal with the issues themselves. They may also assume they are being excluded because they or their feelings are unimportant, and learn to suppress feelings storing up problems for the future. In the short term they may begin to show negative behaviours, to act out their feelings or demonstrate a mistrust of adults. They may also feel they have to protect their parents by hiding their own issues, leaving them lost and vulnerable.
Instead, they need adults to share feelings in a safe and measured way. They need us to show them it is OK to be upset, to have feelings, and that these can be dealt with. The feelings can be shared, empathised with, and soothed. They need us to show them it is OK to have feelings and things can be coped with, and get better.
Memories
You Rarely Are Aware Of The Last Time... Being Mindful To Appreciate What We Have Now,
That Might One Day End!
My eldest son is now at school, and where he once curled up on my knee every night to fall asleep it is now less frequent. I know each and every time he does this I must appreciate that special trust and love that exists between us, as this demonstration of that relationship will not last forever. A time will come when he no longer does this, when he is too big and feels too old. I will miss it, and I want to be aware to be able to remember that last time. I don't want to stop or slow his development, I love his growth, but I have learned that we usually seem to let the last time special things happen slip by unnoticed.
I did not know the last time I saw my grandparents and mother would be the last time, I did not know the birthday meal she cooked for me back in 1998 would be the last meal of hers I enjoyed. I did not know the last Christmas spent with my complete family would be the last time we would share that day together, maybe we wouldn't have argued so endlessly about Scrabble if we had known! I did not appreciate as much as I should have done my little sisters hug and "I've missed you", the last time I walked into my parents house and she was alive and healthy.
Of course some things I greatly miss may seem more trivial; the last time I saw a friend who has since drifted away, or the last night with a group of friends in a particular bar, but even these losses are felt. We cannot hold onto to every person and habit in our lives, but we can remember to appreciate them, we can be mindful of all we have.
My eldest son is now at school, and where he once curled up on my knee every night to fall asleep it is now less frequent. I know each and every time he does this I must appreciate that special trust and love that exists between us, as this demonstration of that relationship will not last forever. A time will come when he no longer does this, when he is too big and feels too old. I will miss it, and I want to be aware to be able to remember that last time. I don't want to stop or slow his development, I love his growth, but I have learned that we usually seem to let the last time special things happen slip by unnoticed.
I did not know the last time I saw my grandparents and mother would be the last time, I did not know the birthday meal she cooked for me back in 1998 would be the last meal of hers I enjoyed. I did not know the last Christmas spent with my complete family would be the last time we would share that day together, maybe we wouldn't have argued so endlessly about Scrabble if we had known! I did not appreciate as much as I should have done my little sisters hug and "I've missed you", the last time I walked into my parents house and she was alive and healthy.
Of course some things I greatly miss may seem more trivial; the last time I saw a friend who has since drifted away, or the last night with a group of friends in a particular bar, but even these losses are felt. We cannot hold onto to every person and habit in our lives, but we can remember to appreciate them, we can be mindful of all we have.
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